


fob

by unseeliekey



Series: do not get blackout drunk [3]
Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: (nothing explicit but references!), Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, M/M, Overuse of italics, Recreational Drug Use, Sex Jokes, Social Media, emetophobia warning, happy new year, mlm wlw disaster solidarity, u know standard affair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:28:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28521681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unseeliekey/pseuds/unseeliekey
Summary: “What do we do?” Shuichi whispers, head in his hands again.Miu and Ouma are dancing together, now. Kaede checks the time. It’s ten past eleven.“Okay,” she says. “Okay. Here’s what we’re going to do.” She downs another shot- this has got to be her last, because her stomach feels like it’s turned to liquid now, and there’s a niggling part of her saying this feels like you should leave it until you’re sober. But a much larger part of her has fixated on the countdown. It’s new years. If you kiss at midnight, that means you’re… together forever, right? It’s some sort of tradition. It means you get to be together for at LEAST a year.She doesn’t want a year. She wants forever.(So just kiss Miu next December, too. And every year after that.)“We,” Kaede says, “are going to seduce our roommates.”“I can’t do that,” Shuichi replies, immediately.
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede & Saihara Shuichi, Akamatsu Kaede/Iruma Miu, Iruma Miu & Oma Kokichi, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Series: do not get blackout drunk [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1898803
Comments: 42
Kudos: 276





	fob

**Author's Note:**

> three months without uploading he comes back with a tag (5 days late as per usual)
> 
> that no one even tagged him in he's not a challenge to drag (unless you're on his discord server APPARENTLY no one fucking respects me)
> 
> APOLOGIES IN ADVANCE I FEEL LIKE THIS ISNT AS FUNNY AS USUAL BUT I JUST HAD TO GET IT OUT TO BREAK BACK INTO ACTUALLY POSTING SHIT

Kokichi hates the taste of alcohol.

He and Shuichi have had multiple debates over whether any kind of alcohol is good- Kokichi acquiesces that expensive wine tastes better and that cheap vodka definitely burns more, but he still stands by the statement that it’s all bad and people are just figuring out ways to make it less bad, like adding raspberry flavoring or notes of smoke or whatever, but none of it is _good._

That’s why they have to pregame, and he has to mix all his drinks with syrupy, brightly colored soda. If someone challenges him, Kokichi will down a shot of cheap, awful vodka like it doesn’t even burn, but generally, he refuses to touch anything that isn’t full of sugar. And because he’s so small, he’s usually just beyond tipsy by the time they head out, and Shuichi has to catch up.

When they’re in bars, though, his favored drinks tend to be getting up to the twenties- equally full of alcohol and sugar, pink and decorated with sugared lemon wedges, shaved coconut, squares of chocolate. They’re all embarrassingly expensive and he stands out in their group of long tea and whisky and vodka. 

Shuichi still buys him them, though. Shuichi buys him three, throughout the night, and his wallet cries but he knows Kokichi will cover for groceries or something- that their group of friends is constantly just cycling through the same debts to each other, and considering that they live together and often have to work together to scramble for rent, he and Kokichi basically have merged finances at this point.

But even if sober-Kokichi doesn’t try to pay him back by stocking the fridge, or if he somehow loses his generous streak and stops buying him coffee and paying for ubers if he gets trapped away from his car, Shuichi would still buy him as many fruity, stupid cocktails as he wants.

He stares across the table at how Kokichi laughs, loud and brilliant, bopping to the music even sitting in his seat. His hair fans out around his shoulders, almost curled- velvety, in the dark lighting.

 _I’m in love with him,_ drunk-Shuichi thinks, and then he thinks, _I am not drunk enough to be realizing that I’m in love with him._

Naturally, the only solution to this is to get drunker.

\--

Shuichi manages to blackout for the third time in his life following this revelation (the first time as a result of poorly processing childhood trauma and the second time as a result of hanging with the wrong group of people and producing The Tattoo Incident) and wakes up the next morning unable to remember his epiphany, curled up protectively around Kokichi’s spine, and late for his criminal psychology lecture.

Kaede calls him that evening asking what important news he had been texting her about, but as he can’t remember what it was, he assumes it can’t have been that important.

He’s wrong, of course, but by the time he remembers that, it's new year’s eve, he’s already four shots in, and is about to make several terrible decisions.

\--

**Open chat: HAPPY NEW YEAR EX-HARMONY DORM**

**cosgays:** just saw some art for a pairing i don’t like and now my whole day is ruined thanks for asking. -.-

 **catboyclown:** wow embarrassing that you care that much (つ﹏⊂)

 **tennis by lorde:** bold fucking words from a major co-contributer to the Idol Anime Debate

 **cosgays:** now why would you ever bring that up again

 **grrgsgrlgns:** u guys think that the idol anime debate is over. u fucking idiots. u don’t live with bakamatsu.

 **Sing me a song mister piano freak:** That’s not true, Miu! Shuichi and I are completely over it!  
**Sing me a song mister piano freak:** ….  
**Sing me a song mister piano freak:** ouma did you change my name again. 

**catboyclown :** (＾ω＾)

 **harumaki:** stop giving him admin status, shuichi.

 **I’m Not Okay (I Promise):** I haven’t!

 **catboyclown:** liar!

 **I’m Not Okay (I Promise):** ….He keeps fake crying about it. 

**Sing me a song mister piano freak:** You disgust me.

 **I’m Not Okay (I Promise):** At least I don’t think aifure is the superior season as if Aine didn’t have everything handed to her on a silver platter.

 **Sing me a song mister piano freak:** TAKE THAT BACK

 **Yoo-hoo, it’s Angie:** look what you’ve done. (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

 **tennis by lorde:** i have regrets.

 **cosgays:** can we please get back to me and the very bad art of my NOTP? 

**catboyclown:** no this is important. they both think aikatsu is better than love live.

 **I’m Not Okay (I Promise):** And it’s the one thing we’re both right about.

 **Sing me a song mister piano freak:** It’s not that I think it’s better, I just _personally_ prefer it more.

 **catboyclown:** liar

 **grrgsgrlgns:** SHUT THE FUCK UP LOVE LIVE IS THE GOD OF IDOL ANIME AND YOU KNOW IT

 **I’m Not Okay (I Promise):** ...Iruma, you only watch idol anime because Kaede got you into it. 

**grrgsgrlgns:** SO????????????????

 **catboyclown:** im surprised the super-nerd queen doesn’t have more opinions on this

 **cosgays:** i plainly refuse to choose a side. I think all this arguing is against the spirit of idol anime.

 **catboyclown:** pussy

 **grrgsgrlgns:** pussy

 **I’m Not Okay (I Promise):** :/

 **cosgays:** why did the “:/” from saihara hurt more…….

 **harumaki:** it’s all about the words he _isn’t_ saying.

 **survivor by destiny’s child:** can i improve your day with some great news tsumugi :^)

 **tENKO:** PLEASE STOP USING NOSES IN YOUR EMOJIS 

**cosgays:** ;w; what is it….

 **survivor by destiny’s child:** guess who’s been put on housesitting duty by his rich shitbag dad for new years 🥳 🥳🥳

 **LUMINARY OF THE STARS:** RICH MANSION PARTY TIME FOR NEW YEARS?????

 **Tojo:** Oh god. ^^

 **survivor by destiny’s child:** :^)

 **tENKO:** STOP I FEEL LIKE YOU’RE GONNA MURDER ME 

**survivor by destiny’s child:** what’s so suspicious about smiley faces?

 **ready for the robot uprising:** I think Amami-kun’s emoticons are endearing! 

**survivor by destiny’s child:** thanks kiibs :^D

 **LUMINARY OF THE STARS:** RANTARO WE CAN PARTY AT YOUR DADS PLACE RIGHT???????

 **survivor by destiny’s child:** well my dad explicitly said “party your heart out kiddo call as many whores as you want, just don’t knock anyone up or OD and we’re good. make sure you invite some of the lawyers at your college” and then he clapped me on the shoulder and asked what my youngest sister wanted for christmas  
**survivor by destiny’s child:** so naturally i am going to invite the same 15 people i always hang out with and make out with every eligible male who attends out of spite

 **LUMINARY OF THE STARS:** HELL YEAH

 **Play me a song mister piano freak:** :( /j

 **survivor by destiny’s child:** kaede i would make an exception for you on the male thing always but i don’t know how much of an “eligible bachelor” you are

 **Play me a song mister piano freak:** UM????? I WAS VOTED MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELOR OF THE HARMONY DORMS FOR TWO YEARS?

 **grrgsgrlgns:** WTF KAEDE DID YOU START DATING SOMEONE????????????

 **I’m Not Okay (I Promise):** Nobody tell her.

 **Play me a song mister piano freak:** NO!!!!!!! MIU I’D TELL YOU IF I DID YOU KNOW I WOULD 

**catboyclown:** ……...(´･ω･`) god this is pathetic to watch

 **I'm Not Okay (I Promise):** She's not pathetic, just... oblivious?

 **harumaki:** Nobody tell him.

 **Madokamagica:** the amount of things we aren’t allowed to tell people in this friend group is seriously draining my mana…

 **tENKO:** Don’t worry, Himiko-san! Tenko will help you remember to keep track of everybody!

 **Yoo-hoo, it’s Angie:** nobody tell them.

 **grrgsgrlgns:** OKAY GOOD BECAUSE IF YOU STARTED DATING SOMEONE AND DIDN’T TELL ME I WOULD FUCKING KILL THEM IN CASE THEY WERE MAKIN YOU KEEP IT A SECRET OR HURTING YOU OR SMTH

 **Play me a song mister piano freak:** CONCERNING BUT ALSO SWEET? I LOVE YOU

 **grrgsgrlgns:** YYOU;RE SOSTUPID

 **Play me a song mister piano freak:** I am not! I’m just trying to compliment you because I care about you? You’re my friend and my roommate and I’d tell you anything.

 **grrgsgrlgns:** HHHHHHHHHHH  
**grrgsgrlgns:** COMING TO GLOMP YOU

 **Play me a song mister piano freak:** WAIT IM IN A LECTURE

 **catboyclown:** im actually going to puke, Thanks! im homophobic now and it’s mius fault. 

**I’m Not Okay (I Promise):** Haha.  
**I’m Not Okay (I Promise):** Would it help if we met up for lunch? Your rehearsal ends soon, right? 

**catboyclown:** are you paying?

 **I’m Not Okay (I Promise):** I think you owe me, actually. But I don’t mind covering today.

 **catboyclown:** YAYYYYY ＼(★^∀^★)／this is why shumai is my favorite ♥♥♥♥

 **I’m Not Okay (I Promise):** Ah, it’s really not a big deal!  
**I’m Not Okay (I Promise):** Your company is reward enough. :)

 **LUMINARY OF THE STARS:** im gonna tell them

 **Tojo:** Amami, it might be helpful if you sent along the dates your family are out for and things you might need. It would be against my moral code to allow someone like yourself clean up after the inevitable party goes wrong.

 **survivor by destiny’s child:** thanks, i think :^)

 **gentlebug:** Happy new years friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

\--

Rantaro’s house is amazing- not for the first time, Kaede is quietly thankful that she managed to worm her way into the heart of the modern age Dorian Gray via nail polish and piano covers of hyperpop songs. He’s an excellent host, as always- although it’s the first time anyone’s actually visited his family home and he seems a little uncertain as to how many rooms to open up and where to play music. 

The place is practically a maze- spiralling staircases and servants quarters and _multiple_ libraries that make it incredibly hard to navigate, even sober. Rantaro forbade any of them from entering the fourth floor- where all the family bedrooms were, and he said it with a spark of something in his eye that made even Ouma slip his lockpicks back up his sleeve. (Everybody knows you don’t mess with Amami’s sisters.)

But the rest of the house is all theirs, even if none of them quite know what to do with it. There’s only sixteen of them, and the mansion is ridiculously big, and every room is more beautiful than the last.

Intimidated, most of them end up bunched up in the (still frankly enormous and ridiculous) kitchen, breaking into the liquor cabinet and playing bad vocaloid remixes out of the Way-Too-Big speakers. It’s a good time, drinking ridiculously expensive spirits that still taste like fucking shit (worse, actually- Kaede is handed something she thinks is 80% pure alcohol and she spits it up all over Miu, who laughs at her for a solid five minutes before finishing it off.)  
(Her laugh is so, so cute. She keeps snorting when she tries to catch her breath, which just sets her off again. Kaede can’t stop staring at her- the bright pink eyeshadow, the way her hair sways in its high ponytail, the bare skin between the waistband of her shorts and the edge of her crop top. It’s not creepy. Miu has a belly button piercing and it’s _distracting._ )

Amami produces a bong at one point. Kaede tells him, lovingly, that it is made of glass and is therefore _absolutely_ going to get shattered.  
He just shrugs as he takes a hit, leans back, and grins at her. “Dad’ll just have to get another, I guess.”  
She convinces him to shotgun her, which ends in a lot of giggling, and then Kiibo insists on trying, too, which ends in them kissing. Freshman Kaede who had a crush on both of them is thriving somewhere.

Fortunately, while she’s busy making just-slightly inappropriate comments into her roommate’s ear to hear that laugh again, feel Miu’s bare shoulder press against hers as they slump against each other, Angie is rolling joints using rose petals she found in the garden and baked, so Rantaro’s goal of Disrespect Homophobic Father Under His Own Roof doesn’t prevent anyone from getting anymore fucked. Meanwhile, Kaito and Ouma are chasing each other around the entirety of the mansion- they race through the kitchen every so often, Ouma throwing lightbulbs (where did he get them? It’s Ouma. Who knows.) over his shoulder and Kaito yelling something about conspiracies and the moon. As per friend group tradition, a small fire is set in the backyard, which Tojo deals with. An overexcited Kiibo misreads the time and panics about them all missing the countdown- which in turn makes Tenko dissolve a little and desperately confess to Himiko that she’d been wanting to kiss here. Even Gonta- usually one of their more sober members- has a few glasses of wine and turns progressively redder as he passionately discusses the importance of scarabs in Egyptian culture with Shinguji- who is looking _frighteningly_ good tonight, mask off, red lipstick on, his hair intricately braided and wearing a full-on _suit._ Someone accidentally breaks a window and Rantaro waves them off and then interferes with the Ouma/Momota rivalry to convince Kaito to make out with him, too, which Ouma pretends to cry about- and everyone rolls their eyes, because no matter what he says about being in love with Amami and how his heart is breaking, literally everyone knows Ouma is allergic to any kind of intimacy. Kaede fails to realize a puddle of koolaid is soaking through her sleeve until it’s been stained a garish red, too busy watching Miu tear up the dance(kitchen)floor.

So the party’s going great.

And then Shuichi grabs her arm and pulls her away from the others, voice just a little lower than the pounding music. “Kaede,” he says. “Help.”

“God, Shu, you look like shit!” She replies instinctively- because she’s had just a little too much to drink, and because he _does._ Earlier in the night, his spiderweb-eyelashes had been intricately clumped and his eyeliner had been sharp as anything- and the eyeliner is still sharp, as always, but the smokey shadow has leaked halfway down his face in _extremely_ obvious tearstains. Kaede checks the time- 11pm, which, excitingly, is only an hour from midnight, but is also WAY too early for Shuichi to normally have to take his “drunk cry in the bathroom” time.

“I-I know,” he says, eyes flitting sideways through the room. His throat bobs when he swallows. “Kaede, I fucked up. Ohhhh no. Oh no. I fucked up so bad.”

“What-” She sways a little, puts her hand on his arm to straighten up, catches his gaze again. He wilts. “What happened? Are you okay?”

Shuichi looks at her. Opens his mouth. Shuts it. Licks his lips.

“I’m in love with Ouma,” he says.

Kaede blinks. 

“...okay? I know?”

“No, I mean-” he waves a hand frantically, then lowers his voice like he’s confessing a grave sin. “Like… _a...ai shiteru._ Not- not. _Suki da.”_

_Ah._

Kaede stares at her best friend for a long moment. He stares back at her, smudged eye makeup and restless energy and nothing but the truth spread over his face.

“Okay, ignoring- ignoring the fact that this is really impossible to translate well into an English medium and I’m too drunk to think of a good equivalent, you aren’t- you are not that kind of in love with Ouma. You’ve only known him like…. Three years? And, also, I think if you said that to him, he would actually die. You’re- like, you’re not getting married- you’re not even dating!!! This isn’t kabuki, Shuichi!”

Shuichi pushes both hands onto his face, balling the base of his palms into his eyes. 

“Shuichi,” Kaede repeats, a little tragically. “It’s _Ouma.”_

“Yeah, but I want- I want to. Look.” He lowers his hands and splays them out, and it’s very weird to have drunk, mascara-streaming-everywhere Shuichi address her like he’s laying out the evidence of a crime _he_ committed. “You know how I know? How I know I am? It’s because it- it hurts every time he’s not around me, and because I- we were talking, just a little earlier and he said _“well, you’re never getting rid of me! You know I can’t die, right, Shumai?”_ And I- and I just thought. Even if he did die, I’d find him. I don’t… I don’t think death could stop me. That’s what I thought.”

“Aren’t you terrified of morality?”

“Yeah- _yeah.”_

“Holy shit.” Kaede stares at him. “Oh my god.”

“I know.”

It’s a lot to process. Kaede immediately starts trying to gauge how best to help, because… She’s never been good at reading Ouma- they’re not particularly close, even if she thinks he likes her (he’s told her she’s not boring before, and according to Shuichi that’s one of the highest compliments he can give.) So it's not like she can say "I'm sure he likes you, too!" because, well... she is, She's fairly confident Ouma likes Shuichi a lot. But it's _Ouma._ And she’s drunk, and distracted, and Miu is dancing with Kiibo a few feet away, singing along to the music, and Kiibo is flustered and shy and endearing and she looks so happy to be twirling him on the toes of his heavy metal boots. And it doesn’t help that Shuichi fairly immediately jumps into further over-analysis of his own feelings, ranging from _he said he stole my heart once and he’s right because I’m always thinking about him_ as Kaede watches Miu shout so loudly that it's audible over the music and across the room, to _I think I could do anything if it would make him happy_ as Miu runs her hands through that big, curled ponytail, swings her hips in a low circle and looks so happy, to _maybe it’s because we live together but I… don’t think I can imagine myself without him._

And Miu is dancing only a few feet away.

“Shut up,” Kaede says, blankly. 

“W-what?” Shuichi stammers, mid tirade about Ouma’s hands or something. 

“No, no-” Miu is getting Kiibo to twirl her, now, and he’s so awkward about it and she’s laughing at him. “Oh, no. Shuichi, I hate you. You don’t-” And Kaede has to rip her eyes away because otherwise her whole body is going to melt into the base of her pumps. She prods her friend in the chest- right over where she knows his stupid tattoo still is. “ _You don’t get to do this to me!”_

Shuichi stumbles back, looking down at her finger and then back up to her face. “What?”  
Kaede glances back at Miu, unintentional but unavoidable. Miu’s face is red, either from alcohol or (worst case scenario) Kiibo’s attention.  
When she looks back, drunken realization is dawning on Shuichi’s face.

“No,” Kaede says.

“You’re in love with _Iruma,”_ Shuichi whispers.

“This is your fault!” She snaps. “I didn’t know I was until you started talking about- doing anything to make her happy and living with her and wanting to be with her forever-”

“Him,” he corrects her.

Kaede prods his chest again. “Whatever! The point is- no. I'm not in love. I'm twenty two. That's stupid." Miu's voice rings out in the room, even with the sound of bass humming through the walls. Kaede's whole body feels hot when she looks back, helplessly, and finds her raising her hands above her head to sway.

Shuichi sways sideways, clutches at the table next to them. Looks over it- the cheap, brittle plastic in bright colors, the shattered glass, the bottles empty and full.

When he pours her a drink, she takes it. And then another. And then another.

“What do we do?” Shuichi whispers, head in his hands again.

Miu and Ouma are dancing together, now. Kaede checks the time. It’s ten past eleven. 

“Okay,” she says. “Okay. Here’s what we’re going to do.” She downs another shot- this has _got_ to be her last, because her stomach feels like it’s turned to liquid now, and there’s a niggling part of her saying _this feels like you should leave it until you’re sober._ But a much larger part of her has fixated on the countdown. It’s new years. If you kiss at midnight, that means you’re… together forever, right? It’s some sort of tradition. It means you get to be together for at LEAST a year.  
She doesn’t want a year. She wants forever.  
(So just kiss Miu next December, too. And every year after that. And every day in between, take her hands and kiss her mouth and set coffee in front of her when she's in the middle of a project and coax her to bed any way she can when she's up late and refusing to sleep, burning with restless energy. Sometimes, Miu sighs and talks about how hot she is in a way Kaede _knows_ she doesn't quite believe, and all she wants to say is _"someone should kiss you every day of your life,"_ but she can't say that, because she doesn't think she could without following it up with _"and that should be me."_ )

“We,” Kaede says, “are going to seduce our roommates.”

“I can’t do that,” Shuichi replies immediately.

“Sure you can! Have a little more confidence.” She pats his shoulder, slurring only a bit, and then grabs his hand. “C’mon, let’s- let’s wingman for each other. All we have to do is to convince them to kiss us at the countdown, right?”

“Okay okay-” he shakes his head, pushes up his hair, inhales. “Okay. Step one. Fix my makeup. Step two: look sexier. Step three: find them. Step four: help you and you help me. Step four: kiss them at midnight.”

“You said ‘step four’ twice.”

“4A and 4B. Step five: profit?”

"Well, if you want to be sexier, I can take a pair of scissors to that skirt?" Kaede offers, giving him an appraising onceover. Shuichi looks cute, as always, but he's gone full goth tonight- under his _The Cure_ t-shirt (oversized to an extent that's frankly ridiculous on a 5'7 man), the drapey black lace drags against the ankles of his docs. Again, a good look, but it wouldn't hurt him to show some skin, right? Kaede glances down at herself- her dress reaches her mid thigh, but she could maybe trim it a little higher... it's tight enough to be safe, right?

 _"Don't_ touch the skirt, it's the best thing I've ever thrifted and it's going to give me dysphoria if anyone can see _any_ of my legs," he whines at her. 

Kaede bites her lip. "Sweetheart, I love you, but... how are you going to look sexy if you're covered from your throat to your toes?"

"I don't know? Atmosphere? Maybe you can cut some holes in my sleeves so my elbows show?"

"Your _elbows?"_

"What about gloves? Kokichi's probably into that. Do you think anyone has any gloves?"

Kaede brightens, bouncing in place. "Oh! I saw some in the coat stand. I'm sure it's fine if we take them."  
She holds a hand up for a high five. Shuichi looks at it skeptically… but after another heavy sigh, gives her ten. And then twenty. And then they drunkenly fumble through their best friend handshake. Shuichi is such a pushover, but it’s a good thing in this case, because Kaede definitely knows what she’s doing.

"Okay, just listen to me and it'll all work out, I promise? Follow my advice and we'll get them." She fist pumps encouragingly, and Shuichi seems a little reassured, even if he hasn't exactly lost the "wilting flower" vibe.

She glances across the room again at Miu, drunk and loud and talking about some kind of mechanics Kaede will never be able to understand, and her whole heart thuds so loudly in her chest that it makes her ears ring.  
Or maybe that’s the way Shuichi pulled her backwards when she didn’t expect it, so the whole world shakes drunkenly. Kaede watches Miu the whole time he drags her away, even when it feels like the world shakes with every step they take.  
Miu glances up, meets her eyes, and smiles- so bright and sunny that the world feels like it’s stepped right out of winter. Like time stops- not just for this moment, but for forever, history collapsing inward on itself like a supernova burning out the universe around it- because Miu, shitfaced, one half of her makeup already smeared, stumbling through a dance and breaking into a smile as she stares at Kaede is, perhaps, the most important thing to have ever existed. And if the world needs to fall apart for everyone who has ever existed to stop and _look,_ to gaze at her in adoration, then it’s worth it.

“I need another drink,” Kaede says, Miu waving as Shuichi drags her around a corner and into an incredibly ostentatious bathroom.

“No you don’t,” he says. “You need to fix my eyeliner.”

\--

Kokichi would, frankly, much prefer to be spending new years with DICE, but two of them are visiting family this year (the only two who still talk to their families at all), one is still recovering from a broken ankle earned by jumping onto an (unmoving) cable car, and they don’t have any problem picking a random date and celebrating then instead. So, if Rantaro wants to put them up in his fancy mansion, it would frankly be shameful if he didn’t take him up on the offer. 

(And if Rantaro-niichan quietly mentioned which bedroom was his father’s and winked, well, it would be impolite not to take him up on _that,_ too. Kokichi has already rummaged through every item of clothing like a stray raccoon and stolen new year’s gifts for all of his organization.) 

Most of his time has been spent pestering the others and taking photos to show DICE- because even if they’re apart and he’s with his dumb ex-dormmates right now, he refuses not to have them around. 

He gets a resounding _“!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”_ in the chat after showing off a crystal bracelet he nabbed and smirks to himself, rolling it up his sleeve- and then Miu grabs him and drags him back through the kitchen to dance because they’re playing the Scanty and Knee Socks theme which is kind of their _shit,_ so. There’s really no other option except to kick off his shoes and roll up his socks and slide over the tiled kitchen floor. Cherry-flavored vodka soaks through his stockings. Miu, teasing, grabs him by one of the chains draped from his belt and pulls him in to spin and dip, and he laughs in utter delight and returns the favor. It’s been a while since the two of them have actually been dancing together- it’s a busy time of year, and the whole friend group has been scattered around visiting family and wrapping up end of year papers and presentations and performances. She had some kind of hyper-genius mechanics project she was working on. Kokichi had about 8 performances queued up all December- party clowning and kabuki and his end of year show and the paper about dramatic processes and whatever. And _god_ is it good to be on break, to weave his hands through his hair and skid over the floor and have everyone’s eyes on him.

Except Shuichi. 

The detective’s absence is prominent and irritating. Kokichi can _feel_ the lack of attention like heat in summer, dripping down his spine and making him feel overdressed and exhausted simultaneously. Shuichi slipped out a few minutes ago, after watching him dance kind of blankly from the drinks counter and mutter fervently to Akamatsu. He dragged her out by the hand, and Kokichi is pretty sure she’s into Miu, but that doesn’t stop the jealously from coiling in his stomach.

“Oi,” Miu says, spinning him by his cufflinks. "They've been in the bathroom for ages. Think they're fuckin'?"

...Well, at least Miu is more embarrassing about it than he is. Kokichi scoffs, tossing his hair back and slut-dropping to an impressive extent as the song changes. 

"If they were going to fuck, they would have done it by now." He pauses to consider the possibility they already have- always a strong one. They do kind of have that borderline-besties vibe... but then again, Miu is currently grinding against his side and he would literally rather swallow every chess piece in his favorite set rather than sleep with her.   
Then again again, he's gay and both Akamatsu and Shuichi are bi.

"I'm gonna go check on them," Miu decides.

" _Don't_ do that, you jealous whore," he sighs, rotating slowly to beckon Kiibo back over, because Kiibo has gotta be pretty plastered to dance with them and he fully plans on taking advantage of it whenever he is. The robotics nerd shuffles over awkwardly, proceeding to bleed bright red all over his face as Miu shoves her tits practically against his face, and Kokichi winks at him, which makes him melt into a puddle of embarrassed dance moves. 

"What are you guys talking about?" he asks, stiffly adjusting the collar of his shirt. Kokichi immediately unfolds it for him again. 

"Yandere inventor over here thinks she wants to go and walk in on Shumai and Akamatsu-chan getting it," he grins, as if the concept doesn't make his stomach roll. 

Kiibo stops moving completely, staring at Kokichi like he's a complete idiot. It's not an expression he appreciates from _Kiibo,_ of all people.   
"They aren't... "getting" anything," he says, frowning. "I think Shuichi started crying and Akamatsu-san was helping fix his eyeliner. She's upstairs with Amami-kun right now."

"Ohhhh, speaking of Amami, you two seemed pretty cuddly earlier," Miu grins, immediately distracted, because she's absolutely the worst like that. "Anything special there, Kiibo?"

Kiibo puffs up defensively, crossing his arms as if he isn't right in the middle of Kokichi's way. "I qualify as an 'eligible male', Miu. It is purely to help annoy his father."

 _"Sure_ it is-"

"Shut up, both of you," Kokichi says, flatly. "If Akamatsu's upstairs, where's Shumai?"

"Behind... you?" Kiibo says.

If, hypothetically, Kokichi made a massive idiot of himself by turning around so suddenly that he skidded on the floor and fell backwards against Miu, then he was drunk. And drunk people do stupid things, and if it took him a few moments to move because the second he turned he made eye contact with Shuichi, Shuichi who smiled hesitantly at him from where he was leaning back against a wall, and felt utterly pinned in place by the gesture.... Again, he's drunk. And Shuichi's presence is unrelated. And Miu, frankly, deserves it when he stamps down on her foot as hard as possible. 

"OW!" She shrieks, directly into his ear, shoving him away from her. Kokichi wobbles on his stockings and slides over the floor, slapping Kiibo's arms away when the dumbass probably-secretly-a-cyborg tries to right him. "Dickhead. Just go talk to him."

"That's what I was planning on doing," he snips at her, trying not to feel unnerved by the fact Shuichi hasn't looked away yet. It feels kind of out of character for him- if Shuichi's caught staring, he looks away. Immediately. And goes endearingly red. He definitely doesn't smile like he's forgotten Kokichi is looking back at him, like he's staring at a cat in a pet store and hoping their apartment will magically lift the pet restrictions. "...I need a shot."

"Oh my god," Kiibo mutters. Kokichi ignores him, because Miu is cheering in agreement, and he drags her wrist and grabs her over to the counter. They pile up against it, and he lets her and her mad scientist brain get to work, pouring absolutely toxic looking concoctions together. Should he be drinking this much of what she gives him? Absolutely not.

"Is he still staring at me?" Kokichi hisses, leaning over the table. He can practically feel Shuichi's eyes, and it's making his skin crawl.

Miu, completely unsubtly, pushes herself up on her tiptoes to peer over his shoulder. Kokichi resists the urge to slam his head directly into his shotglass. 

"Dude," Miu says, literally the least helpful friend he's ever had, he hates her guts so bad, "I think he's staring at your ass."

Kokichi _most certainly_ does not squawk and straighten up from where he was leaning against the counter, suddenly painfully aware of his own posture. Miu cackles at him anyway, sliding another shot over like she's some kind of horrible, ugly, evil witch. "Just kidding," she says, tipping her head back to swallow down her own like it's water, then licking her lips. Her lipstick has smeared just slightly. Kokichi does not tell her this. "He's staring at the back of your head like it's got the secrets of the universe or something. I think he's intentionally trying _not_ to stare at your ass, actually."

"Such a pity. I wore these shorts and everything," Kokichi sighs, because it's better than yelling at her for getting his hopes up, or saying something stupid like _well that's embarrassing for him, seeing as I've been staring at **his** all night. _

"Take your shot and go talk to him," Miu barks. "It's new years. Ask him for a midnight kiss or something."

Kokichi pouts, trailing his finger around the rim of the glass. "He'll just think I'm lying," he whines. "It's not like I haven't tried before."

It's not like he hasn't been dropping hints for about, mm, forever. He can't fucking believe Shuichi manages to catch evidence so easily, sort through files like he's breathing, when he's so utterly oblivious about shit being directly handed to him. Yes, Kokichi said that he was in love with him as a joke. And every single sexual reference and flirt and debate about anime that gets a little too personally-philosophical- those are all jokes. Every single time Kokichi flirted with Shuichi it was a joke. That's why he _only_ flirts with him, and nobody else.

(....He's so stupid. And cute.)

Miu grins so sharply it's a miracle her teeth don't cut her face. "Hey, wanna make a bet? I bet you're too chicken shit to kiss him tonight."

Kokichi narrows his eyes. He's not scared of anything. Definitely not pretty boys in dark makeup who keep _looking_ at him. "Okay. I bet you're too much of a major pussy to kiss Akamatsu, even though she's a super big slut. Almost as big of one as you."

"You take that back!" Miu snarls, leaning over the table to shove her stupid sweaty face up in his. Kokichi bats his eyes adoringly. "Don't you fucking dare say that kind of shit about her-"

"All I'm saying is that she's hit on every single female member of our class and half the guys," he replies sweetly.

Miu's face bunches up, turning an embarrassing shade of pink. "She- she's just friendly. Plus, you don't _get it-_ just because a girl compliments your tits doesn't mean they're hitting on you! Those are just normal compliments."

"Wowwwwww, you really are a useless mess," he tells her pityingly. "Are you saying you can't do it?"

Miu pauses. Scowls at him. He grins back.

"I'll do it," she says. "But only so I can laugh at you when you pussy out."

"Oh, poor Miu." Kokichi shakes his head condescendingly. "This is going to be so humiliating for you."

He can get one kiss out of Shuichi. He'll steal it, if he needs to. It doesn't need to be a big deal! He's Ouma Kokichi, trickster, jokester, who knows what he's thinking!! It's just a kiss.

He takes the shot. Gargles. Pulls a face and mimes throwing it up everywhere.

"Just _go,"_ Miu snaps. "I'm gonna find Bakamatsu."

He blows her a kiss, slowly slinking backwards as the music thumps. "Of course, darling whore-chan! Have fun with your little pianist. I'm gonna go and get smooched!"

She flips him off, baring her teeth in a smile that hasn't quite mastered the _passive_ part of passive aggressive. "Don't come crying to me when you give up!"

He sticks his tongue out as he turns his back on her, weaving his way through their other friends to make his way over to the wall. The room is pulsing with music, lights flashing in time- Amami's dad might be a dickhead, but his house has a pretty nice set up.   
And, okay. Maybe he doesn't go directly to Shuichi, but that's just because he's plotting. Planning. Finding the best way to approach this.   
He spoke to him literally an hour ago and they came to the party together. It shouldn't be _hard_ to find an excuse to talk to him. 

Kokichi shuffles over to the wall, leans up against it, tilts his head right back to watch the colored lights play against the ceiling. It's not that he's not looking at Shuichi. He's just busy looking somewhere else, currently. He's planning. Plotting. He could just go over. Shuffle up to Shuichi's side. Ask if he needs another shot- tease him about disappearing off with Akamatsu, ask how his emo cry-sesh went, ask if he wants them to play MCR or something. He could grab his hand and drag him to dance, and if anyone else dances too close to them, he can kick their ankles until they back off. He could just walk up to him, cup his hands around his face, and kiss him. Just like that. Maybe Shuichi would kiss back.

Fortunately, before the liquor in his system can convince him that that's a good idea, Shuichi makes the decision for him.

Kokichi's view of the ceiling is first blocked by dark hair, and then by an arm to his left. He glances sideways to where it's connected with the wall, and then follows the long, striped fabric up to where it connects with a t shirt, and then to a long, lovely throat, and then up to a pair of eyes that look like honey and hit like hand sanitizer.

Kokichi blinks. Shuichi does not.

"Are you kabedon-ing me? Is that what you're doing?"

"Is it working?"

Kokichi does not really have an answer for that. Yes, Shuichi does have him pinned against the wall. Yes, he could very, very easily escape, even as wasted as he is. Yes, he is completely paralyzed by how close Shuichi's face is. No, he isn't sure if he's being threatened or flirted with. 

He says, "no," because he's fairly sure a "yes" would count as some kind of victory for Shuichi and he refuses to just hand him that.

It kind of backfires, though, because immediately Shuichi removes his hand from the wall and steps back, looking kind of crestfallen. "Oh, okay. Did I make you uncomfortable?"

"I'm never uncomfortable!" Kokichi chirps, rectifying the situation by taking a step forward. This time, Shuichi takes a step back, looking all confused and nervous. It's cute, and probably means that _Kokichi_ is winning now. "I just didn't want Shuichi to start thinking he got the better of me, or anything."

That was a little more honest than he intended- he recognizes the exact moment Shuichi's eyes flicker. Candlelight in the dark, yellow wax on black paper.   
"Is this a game, then?" 

"What isn't?" Kokichi replies, twirling a finger through his own hair. 

"Most things," Shuichi answers, but he doesn't seem too bothered by it. "I mean... I guess they are for you, though, right?"

Kokichi laughs, as his stomach heats up and bubbles and boils. "Who can say?"

"You can," Shuichi answers, tilting his head. "I mean... I've never asked you _why_ you lie so much, but there's nothing that actually stops you telling the truth if you think it benefits you. We studied compulsive lying in criminal psychology last year."

Kokichi knows this, because he was in the same class as Shuichi, despite studying an entirely different major. Their rivalry for top of the class was bitter and intense and it is a damn fucking shame that it didn't end with them having, like, passionate hate-sex in the lecture hall or something.   
(Although, it did end up with them rooming together, this year. So maybe this was better in some ways. A year of waking up next to Shuichi over a night vs a passionate and dramatic rendezvous.... he's say it's a tough choice, but that would be a lie.)

"Tell you what," Kokichi offers, because he hasn't made nearly enough bad decisions tonight. "Let's play a drinking game! You win, and I'll tell you." 

"The truth?"

"I'll answer any question honestly!" Kokichi tells him. This is possibly the weirdest way he's tried flirting with Shuichi- but he really can't resist a challenge.

And the best part is, neither can Shuichi. The detective tilts his head. "And if you win?"

"Then..." Kokichi's heart is thumping in his chest. He raises a finger to his lips. "Shuichi owes me a favor." 

Shuichi considers this for a moment, his brow creased like he's chewing over a puzzle, his hand fluttering up to his mouth. "A favor?"

"Anything I want!" Kokichi chirps, as if there isn't only one thing he wants to ask for. As if Shuichi doesn't already give him everything he wants, every time they talk. 

He kind of expects Shuichi to press a little more, to sigh fondly and tell Kokichi that he's a brat or something, to say that the rules of the game aren't quite even. But he must be pretty drunk already, because instead he nods, lowers his hand, and smiles. "Alright."

"Are you sure?" Kokichi's not sure why he's asking- maybe because there's a bit of guilt prodding at his chest, because something about the energy of this whole situation has him on the edge of his seat, fingers digging into the filthy theater-fabric of the cushions as he stares, fixated, at the show ahead. "It's kind of dangerous to offer someone like me something with that much power, detective."

Shuichi shrugs a shoulder, still smiling. "Ah. Well, that's okay, Kokichi. Because I plan on winning, anyway."

_Ah._

What the fuck is this energy? What is Shuichi coming at him with tonight? It's not- it's not _completely_ out of character, he's seen Shuichi act like this before- but only after hours of debate over their papers for class, in the middle of a two-person game of Monopoly that got a little too personal, after one too many glasses of whisky, toward the end of a trail of lies Kokichi's carefully laid out for him. _Not_ at a party, just- coming at him with absolutely zero build up, after pinning him to the goddamn wall (in a sort of wimpy and awkward way), like- 

Kokichi not-so-subtly rocks up onto his tiptoes and glances over Shuichi's shoulder, trying desperately to find Miu's eye. Where the fuck is she??? She's meant to help him, the worthless bitch. God. See if he holds her hair back when she needs to puke tonight.

"Chess," he ends up saying, because apparently nobody around here has his fucking back. "We mix up one of those fucking nasty concoctions Miu's made. Every time a piece is captured, that person has to take a swig. But whoever ends up checkmated has to drink the rest of either their own drink or the other person's- whichever one has more."

Shuichi's eyes glitter, clearly assessing a strategy. "And if we stalemate?" That _does_ tend to be how most of their games go.

Kokichi smirks behind his own fingertip, rocking onto his toes once again just to get a little closer to grin. Shuichi waves back a little- for the first time, really, seeming off balance. (Just from Kokichi getting too close? More likely it's the eye contact, but a guy can dream.) "Then no one finishes their drink, and no one wins. No secrets or favors are to be handed out. Are we in agreement?"

He holds out his hand. Shuichi's eyes drag down to it so slowly that it feels like everywhere they pass over is being electrified. By the time he takes it, Kokichi's suprised he doesn't shock him with static.

"Then the game is afoot," Shuichi quotes, and has the gall to look offended with Kokichi laughs in his face. 

They stumble out of the kitchen- Kokichi grabs a bottle of raspberry syrup and a lemon, and Shuichi takes sugar and vodka, and they proceed to stomp through about three floors of the house before they find a chess board. It's absolutely gorgeous- the pieces are made out of marble or something, little metal designs that might be real gold, knowing what rich people are like. They set the board on the floor, flip a coin- Kokichi cheats and takes white, and Shuichi probably knows he did but he lets him, anyway. There's some argument about piece set up- Kokichi thinks it's more fun to play Fischer, with the pieces randomized, but Shuichi argues that he's already too drunk to keep track of Kokichi's inevitable cheating and that that will make it harder. They compromise by forgoing a timer, which Shuichi wanted, in order to leave more time for banter. 

Kokichi sits cross-legged, at white, opens with the Fegatello attack. Shuichi avoids taking the gambit and brings his bishop out early. Kokichi develops his pawns. Shuichi responds in turn.

When he finally captures one, Kokichi immediately responds by taking with his knight, and they drink together, clinking their glasses filled with a poisonous-looking pink sludge. 

"What are you two doing?"

Yumeno pokes her head in through the door. Kokichi, sprawled into jazz splits over the lush carpet, pulls a face as he forces himself to swallow the last of his drink, and hits her with a peace sign. "Shuichi is playing for his life! If he loses this game, I'm going to have my evil organization murder him."

"We're playing chess," Shuichi replies, reaching over to shove Kokichi's head like a misbehaving cat. Kokichi cackles and butts into his hand. "Take a shot every time someone captures a piece- loser owes a favor."

"Hey," Kokichi complains. "I said I'd answer a question truthfully if I lost. Not that I would do you a favor."

"Isn't that better for you, though?" Shuichi asks, his voice soft. "You know I wouldn't ask for anything bad."

Kokichi side-eyes him, hyperaware of Yumeno still watching from the doorway. It's... a fair point. Of course, he's not going to lose, so it's not even relevant. And even if he _does_ lose, if Shuichi asks anything he doesn't want to answer, he'll just lie. (Even if a part of him doesn't want to. Even if there's a poisonous, nasty little part of him that is clearly _too far gone_ that is willing to.... compromise. Ugh. It makes him sick to even think of.)  
If Shuichi asks something he doesn't want to answer, he'll lie. Kokichi loves games and gambling, but he doesn't see why a lie is worth any less than the truth.

"One question," he repeats. "Answered honestly."

"Waitwaitwait," slurs Yumeno, her eyes lit up like she's infodumping about dungeons and dragons or something. "Lemme go get Tenko and Angie. I wanna watch if Ouma has to say something true."

"Fuck off!" Kokichi yells, as she disappears around the door (no puff of smoke, but he can imagine it.) "I'm winning!"

Shuichi laughs, and the sound is so soft that it pulls Kokichi into it like a thread weaving around his ankle. He can't help but look. 

"Come on," He says, gently. "Let's just keep playing."  
God, Kokichi hates him.

The game continues- the play growing more and more aggressive as it processes- and defensive, at the same time. Usually, sacrificing pawns for rooks and knights is an excellent deal, but in a game where every stolen piece gets you drunker, the weight is spread more evenly. They're gambling sobriety- gambling their own performance in the endgame, too. Kokichi makes witty quips in hope of distracting Shuichi, who is playing far more riskily than he usually would, diving into coffeehouse traps, giving up one knight for two pawns just so he can watch Kokichi chug his drink again and laugh at the faces he makes. Kokichi responds by giving in and acting drunker than he is- promotes one pawn to a knight and comes _so_ close to checkmate; but Shuichi's seen what he's planning and castles before he can smother the king. (Kokichi wouldn't normally have promoted a move too early, but he blames the alcohol/weed and the threatening presence of a queen.)  
Yumeno returns, dragging Angie and Chabashira by the hands, Tojo close on their heels. Throughout the game, more of the class come to join- Amami, Shinguji, Kiibo, Harukawa, crowding around the board and cheering on whoever looks like they're winning.   
Kokichi's had a monopoly on the university chess club since he- well, he founded it, along with his nine members of evil. So you could say he's pretty good, even if he doesn't spend much time studying strategies. Kokichi plays a _lot_ of puzzle games, and he's always been good at thinking ahead- plotting for multiple events, multiple timelines, multiple moves. He knows that he's using a popular gambit, and that Shuichi probably knows that, too- but if he doesn't take it, Kokichi has another plan ahead for that. Every move he makes achieves multiple goals; space on the board, directing gameplay, pushing pieces in. 

That's not to say that Shuichi is an easy opponent, though. He's the sort of weirdo who _enjoys_ books on theory, who plans entirely for his endgame and doesn't care what he has to do to get there, who'd lose _so_ many points in tournaments because he plays too safe, too by the book, who loses his queen to one of Kokichi's traps and then has to put his head in his hands for a while to recover.

Kokichi crows in triumph at him and the crowd roars in agreement, and Shuichi sends Kokichi a look as he drinks his punishment concoction that clearly says the game itself has gotten personal.

"Feeling pressured, detective?" Kokichi asks sweetly. Shuichi pushes his sweaty bangs back and sits up, inhaling sharply.

"I'm just getting started," he says.

The game continues. And continues. The moves get swifter and more careless- both playing strategies that forget to account for the other, falling into gambles and crawling back out, circling around the board in the worst-best way possible.

By the time they reach their endgame, money has exchanged hands multiple times, Yumeno is watching the game like her life depends on it, and Kokichi and Shuichi are down to their kings, a handful of pawns, a few rooks between them, Shuichi's bishop and Kokichi's single queen- until Shuichi manages to take it by gambling his last knight.  
They're also both extremely drunk. Like, Kokichi might be sick at any moment, drunk.

He surveys the board. It's not looking good. Shuichi's got him in check, and he doesn't really have a clever way to get out of it- there's not enough pieces to keep on his half of the board while still protecting his own king. 

He moves his king one square to the left. Shuichi moves his rook left. Kokichi moves diagonally out of check. Shuichi brings a pawn forward. 

Oh well. He doesn't think there's even enough pieces left to checkmate, so he smirks as he moves his king forward again. He's happy to play like this until Shuichi gets bored, circling each other over the board.

"Come on, Shuichi," Harukawa says, her voice far quieter than most of their drunken compatriots but no less lacking in intensity. "You can get him."

Angie suggests moves into Kokichi's ear, squishing her chest into his shoulder as she clings off his arm. He grins at her and moves his bishop up to force Shuichi to defend his own king. "Getting tired, detective? You can call it, if you'd like. I'll even be nice and won't make you finish your drink!"

"I think I'll be sick if I drink any more of it," Shuichi mumbles, rubbing his temples. He keeps twitching his hand over his face, pushing his skin back as he thinks, picking the chapped skin on his lips. It makes Kokichi want to scream, tell him to quit biting them, bite them _for_ him- He moves his bishop to the center. Kokichi eyes it with suspicion. "But I'm not done yet. Are you bored, Ouma?"

"You could never bore me, _Saihara,"_ he responds sweetly. "I'll sit here all night if I have to. But let's up the stakes! One sip for every move? Two for captured pieces. Just to keep the heat up."

Shuichi eyes him suspiciously. "Are you... sure you should drink that much?" He asks, as if he isn't slurring, his face all flushed, pupils blowing his yellow eyes black. Kokichi blows him a kiss and tries to pretend he doesn't sway back against Angie when he does.

"You weren't complaining when I said I'd drink the whole thing if I lost! Unless you're thinking you.... can't win?" He blinks, flutters his eyes innocently. It's been about two minutes since he actually looked at the board.

"Make your move," Shuichi responds, crossing his arms.

Kokichi looks back down. King, almost cornered- Shuichi's bishop center square, a rook that's causing him trouble, a few more pawns-

He freezes.

There's an opening, there. Kokichi's king is squished to the left- but Shuichi's is pressed to the right, vulnerable. Unlike Kokichi, he doesn't have a single pawn protecting it.   
Two moves. Hand shaking with barely concealed excitement (and, okay, drunkenness), Kokichi moves his queen.

Shuichi stares at the board for a few moments, and Kokichi's heart thuds loudly. Has he noticed? Has he become aware of his own defenselessness? Is this it?  
The favor hangs above his head like an apple, glistening red. Kokichi can feel the words in his mouth- practically hear the tick of a match clock counting down. The whole world tastes like raspberry vodka.

Shuichi quietly moves a piece, and Kokichi doesn't even watch, too busy staring at his face and wondering if his chapped lips will catch in Kokichi's lipgloss. "Checkmate."

"What?"

The room bursts into screams- Yumeno and Chabashira physically embrace, and Harukawa is so impassioned that she punches a hole through a wall- Amami jumps up and screams his head off, and Angie, the traitor, decides to run over to Kiibo and dance around in a circle with him. Shuichi's expression is, oddly, more nervous than triumphant.

Kokichi sits there, staring at him. And then he looks down at the board.

That- stupid second rook, he'd forgotten about it. Shuichi's _skewered_ him- his own fucking pawn's cut off any escape that doesn't set him directly in the bishop's path. Goddammit. This is- it's only because he's _drunk,_ it doesn't even count. This is so unfair. Kokichi did _not_ fall for some stupid trap to pull his queen away- _fuck!_

"Fuck yeah, Saihara!" Someone screams. "Get his ass!"

Shuichi, somehow, turns a little redder at that, and reaches up to touch his mouth. "Ah, Kokichi- wait, don't-"

Kokichi lifts his cup to drink it, but Shuichi lunges over the board to knock it out of his hand before he can. It spills, and definitely stains the carpet as it soaks through, but he's more distracted by the detective's hand on his wrist. He looks down at it. Shuichi does, too.

They both look up at the same time.

"Well, Shumai," Kokichi says, and it doesn't come out quite as cocky as he intended. "It looks like you've caught me."

"If only I had my cuffs on me," Shuichi quips, and Kokichi filters through about six jokes in response and decides not to make any of them.

Instead, he smiles. "Your question, then? Unless you've decided to release me from that prize, like with the alcohol."

"Ah, no... I'd like this prize." Shuichi swallows. His fingers flex around Kokichi's wrist, then press down again, squeezing the bones of it gently. "Please?"

Kokichi twists his hand slowly, but doesn't pull away, slowly folding his fingers around Shuichi's knuckles. Shuichi slips his hand up in response, half in, half out- holding each other in a stupidly awkward way, but neither of them pulls back or shifts to make that final point of connection.  
They're leaning over the chessboard, one hand linked. Kokichi's other still hangs empty in front of him, the scent of false flavoring soaking through the air. Shuichi is looking down at their hands again.

"One question," Kokichi says, and it comes out sticky as the syrup staining Rantaro's family carpet.

Shuichi is quiet for a very long moment. He slips his hand up a little further, rubs slow circles into the back of Kokichi's palm. Kokichi tries not to shudder, but it's like some kind of ghost hasn't just passed through him, but settled around the two of them. That same static energy of earlier bleeds through his body. 

"If..." Shuichi starts, and then he falters- his voice and his thumb, glitching in their movement before they continue. He breathes out, shaky, still doesn't look for Kokichi's eyes. It's driving him crazy. "If I kissed you at midnight... would you be horribly offended?"

Kokichi's whole body sets on fire. 

It's a miracle he manages to breathe, let alone speak, with his bones melting through the floor and the equivalent of every single drug he's ever taken hitting him at once. He feels almost delusional. 

He says, "I don't know, Shuichi. Maybe you should find out."

And- and he's melting, burning up, fevered, desperate, joking, please don't let this be a joke, but Shuichi... Shuichi must be too, even if he's the one who asked, because his hand freezes again.   
And then it slips up, up, intertwines their fingers, and his eyes slip up, too, and he looks terrified even though he's smiling.

"That's not an honest answer, Kokichi," he says, but his voice is so painfully fond that if Kokichi were standing, his knees would have buckled.

"You tend to figure me out, anyway," Kokichi replies, and he hates how low and breathy his voice has gone, how stupidly honest it is. They've inched in closer, somehow, without him even noticing. Shuichi is just an exhale away. 

"It's not midnight yet."

"Well," Kokichi pulls his lip between his teeth, and then releases it, before the gesture can give him away. Not that it matters, seeing as he's staring at Shuichi's mouth in a way that isn't anything but open. "Well, there's always time to practice."

Shuichi answers by slipping his other hand up Kokichi's arm, resting on his shoulder for a moment- and then threading through his hair as Kokichi grips the front of his stupid, baggy t-shirt. 

Their teeth click, once. Kokichi's nose smushes into Shuichi's cheek. Twin breaths of laughter.

When Shuichi kisses him, it's like the past _year_ of flirting has caught up to them all at once, like the very second they get their mouths together, all sense goes out the window. Kokichi's nails practically scrape right through Shuichi's three layers of clothes- Shuichi pulls his head forward forcefully, their linked fingers scrabble at each other like they're searching for purchase as they tumble off a cliff. 

Shuichi kisses him, and Kokichi kisses him back, and he can hear more screaming, but he can't make sense of it all, doesn't give a shit even if he could. Distantly, he registers the sound of Harukawa punching something again, but before he can process if it's in support or disapproval, he's tipping backwards and there are chess pieces scattered everywhere, digging into his spine, bright pink alcohol soaking his shirt, but he doesn't give a single shit because his _tongue_ is in Shuichi's _mouth_ and Shuichi is pushing his hand into the carpet, and Kokichi is shifting his knee and getting stuck in that stupid long skirt and-

"Hey, hey, hey, break it up!" That's Amami, committing what is probably some kind of homophobic hatecrime as he pulls them apart. Kokichi responds by completely ignoring this and dragging Shuichi in by his hips, which Shuichi seems more than happy to go along with. "Oh, christ- at least get a room, oh my _god."_

"This is what being repressed for a year does to you," Angie sighs, joining Rantaro to weasel her way between them and shove them apart. "Come on, we've had one too many public indecency scandals already!"

"Yeah, some from _you,"_ Kiibo says, eyeing her. Kokichi pouts at them all.

"You're just jealous," he sniffs, taking Shuichi's hands and letting him drag them to their feet. When he looks back to them, Shuichi is smiling- just a tiny quirk of his mouth, but his eyes are so bright that it's almost hard to look at them.

The detective stumbles forward, and Kokichi, somehow, manages to catch him, chests pressed together, socks skidding over the carpet. Shuichi smiles down at him and his heart goes _thump._

They've been bantering nonstop for the majority of the game, but there's very little talking when they make their way out of the living room, when they creep, giggling, down a dim hallway and cram into the first door they open- which turns out to be a linen closet, but that's fine, because it's a rich person linen closet and has enough room to walk fully inside, and then to turn around and pin your partner against the door. 

Shuichi tastes like he can't get enough, and Kokichi wants to peel him out of his dark clothes more than he's maybe ever wanted anything ever before. It's been three fucking years of Kokichi adoring him with a childish sort of excitement, hungering for his attention like it's grape bubblegum- two years in the dorms, two years of classes together, one year of living in their flat. He has a tattoo of Shuichi's name on his chest, and for a moment, he realizes that he's going to have to get rid of that pretty fucking soon- but it's there, it's still here, pulsing over his skin, soaking him with a restless, anxious kind of energy. Like he's somewhere he shouldn't be, an empty shopping mall at night, arms full of cheap candy, leaning over his friends as they drive through town just a little too fast.   
But Shuichi's hands slide over his waist and even if there's a part of him that feels selfish and dark with how much of his focus he wants to consume- it's a fair bargain, really. Because Shuichi's always been hovering right in the middle of his mind, impossible to ignore.

"Hey," the detective murmurs, when they finally part for air, dragging his hands up to cup Kokichi's cheeks. "Happy new year, Kokichi."

Kokichi grins at him. "Happy new year, detective."

And then they kiss again, and they keep kissing, because- even if Kokichi can't make up his mind about all the things he wants to do (ditch the party and go home, stop completely to actually talk, feel their way around this... thing, that they've sparked, make another joke about handcuffs, ask Shuichi how far he's comfortable going, drag him out to drink more)... he's not complaining about this. It's drunken and clumsy and stupid and wonderful, and...

It's all going _fantastic_ until someone very rudely opens the closet door and drags him out by the scruff. _Again._

\--

"Oh my god, you are so fucking dumb."

Miu is _way_ too drunk for this, but she's not going to let her dumbass friend lose his mega-embarrassing virginity in a closet at Amami's dad's house, while so fucked she's not sure either he or his stupid detective can actually consent to it. Enthusiastic, sure, but probably not _informed,_ considering Saihara mistook her for Kaede and Cock-ichi immediately tried to fight her after being dragged out of the closet.

(Imagine some kind of witty joke there about how gay and stupid he is.... although she doesn't think Kokichi's ever been closeted in his entire life.)

"Fffffffffffuck you," he slurs, wiping his mouth and pouting, and then immediately flopping over to plaster himself against Saihara's side- who holds him like he's the fucking holy grail, closing his eyes and leaning his cheek on the top of his head like some kind of statue depicting true love or whatever.

"You're five foot, you can't- you _physically_ can't win drinking competitions. Drug competitions. Whatever. C'mon." She's stumbling on her heels, but at least when she grabs Kokichi's hand, he latches on and doesn't let go. Saihara keeps holding him just as tight. She doesn't think she's ever seen the two of them this... plastered, really. Usually when Kokichi gets drunk, he gets manic. She blames the combination of weed and the hickies on his neck. 

Speaking of, she needs to find a chaperone, because god knows she's not going to do it. For one thing, she can actually feel the last round of shots setting in, and Miu is... well. Okay. Look.   
Miu has had enough lectures from Kaede to know that she's not exactly the poster child for responsible intoxication. Or sex. So she should probably post the two fruity bastards off on someone who _is._

Fortunately, Gonta is out in the gardens, with ladybugs crawling all over his palms, and he's more than happy to keep an eye on them- although he turns red as soon as he hears half the shit coming from their mouths.

"Gonta will make sure they are safe," he promises. Miu gives him a thumbs up and pushes her hair back from her face, then checks the time on her phone.

Eleventy fourty five. She still has time.

Kaede is waiting for her by one of the ( _three)_ fountains, giggly and drunk and only slightly concerned. "Are they alright?" She asks. 

"Yeah, just _stupid,"_ Miu grumbles. Fucking Kokichi. She and Kaede were talking, and it was going really, really well- they were talking about the next year, and their plans, and about maybe getting a new apartment- and Miu had said it like it was only natural that they'd stick together, and then she'd panicked and backtracked and said some dumb fucking bullshit about how she'd understand if Kaede was too intimidated to keep living with a genius like her-

but Kaede had just laughed, her pink eyes crinkling, her smile like honey, every part of her made of music, and Miu had fucking fallen apart as soon as she shuffled closer and reached for her hand.

 _"Miu,"_ she'd said. _"Of course I want to live with you. You haven't scared me off yet, right?"_

And she's so nice, and so teasing, and she'd looked at Miu like she was looking at someone important, and Miu- Miu, for a moment, believed it. Believed that she was important not because of her (fucking excellent) tits, or because of her genius brain, but... because Kaede cared about her. 

And then she'd gotten a frantic call from a very drunk Kiibo telling her that Saihara and Slutkichi had disappeared off somewhere and everyone was worried they were gonna fuck in Amami's bedroom or something. 

So, that moment had been ruined. And Kokichi owes her big time. She's not sure what exactly he owes her, but it's big. Some fancy fucking champagne and an apology letter- _Sorry I'm such a thirsty little twink that I'm going to majorly cockblock you the second you start getting somewhere with the prettiest girl you've ever seen._

Still, Kaede laughs, covering her mouth with a hand, and the anger dissolves in the night air like bubbles as she stares at her. "I'm happy for them," she says, her ees creased, and then she lifts the bottle next to her- half empty champagne. "Hey, I confiscated this from Kaito. I know you like rose. Want to share?"

Miu nods, stupidly, because she'd share literally anything with Kaede- but she _does_ like a pink wine. Dusting down her skirt, she sits back down and crosses her legs, and holds out her shotglass as if that's any way to drink wine. Kaede laughs, again, and she must have been drinking while Miu was out, because her face is redder than it was before, and she sounds distinctly giggly. 

It's a pretty scene- two hot girls sitting on a fountain in their evening gowns, Kaede telling her to tip her head back and feeding Miu wine right from the bottle- it spills, obviously, but they just keep laughing as it soaks Miu's shirt. She makes a crude joke, and Kaede flushes even more and slaps her on the arm, and Miu wobbles so far back that she almost falls right into the fountain. And she probably would have, if Kaede hadn't lunged over and grabbed her arm, helped straighten her up.

The stars twinkle overhead, and the evening is all cool and balmy- but they've had too much to drink to feel cold, although that doesn't stop Kaede from leaning her head on Miu's shoulder, pressing their thighs together, and Miu's whole body is electric, suspended on some too-tight coil. 

"I made him go after Ouma tonight," Kaede admits, tucking a strand of gold hair behind her ear. Miu resists the urge to reach out and trace where it was hanging against her face. 

"Oh, yeah?" She says, her voice wavering just a bit. "It's about time. 'Kichi's been in love with him since... forever, I think."

Kaede lets out a sigh. "Oh, _good._ I mean, I figured, but it's hard to tell with him, you know? Shuichi's so obvious... and oblivious. But Ouma's really hard to read, especially with this kind of thing."

Miu screams internally. Kokichi is fucking obvious as hell with his gay baby crush- _Kaede_ is who's confusing. She looks at Miu with those pretty eyes, and then... turns around and dances with Amami, or flirts with Shirogane, or makes Chabashira go red and panicked, or plasters herself to Saihara's side and giggles at him. It drives Miu crazy, sometimes, trying to make sense of what she means- sometimes she'll _swear_ Kaede is hitting on her, making a remark that's just a little too sexy... but then she remembers that it's Akamatsu. Dorm rep, most eligible bachelor, ready to try and make everyone smile. 

"Uh, well," Miu says, staring way too closely at Kaede's lipgloss. "He's super head over heels. It's embarrassing, actually. You should hear him talk about Saihara."   
Why are they talking about Saihara again? Oh, right. She should go and thank him at some point- you know, for being into Miu's shithead friend and _not_ the clearly superior choice of Kaede. 

Kaede presses her cheek into Miu's bare shoulder and laughs again, before sitting up. She brushes her hair back and then takes a drink, setting the bottle down when she's done. "I'm glad I haven't, actually. Shuichi's bad enough. But, um, Miu... there's actually sort of a reason I was encouraging Shuichi tonight."

"What's that?" Is Kaede turning pinker or is that the wine?

"Um... it's new years! And you know, there's that whole thing about the kiss at midnight... I thought it'd be kind of sweet. You know. He's been pining after Ouma for so long." Kaede ducks her head, turning slightly so they're angled together, knees brushing.

Miu nods, because the tradition's passed through her own mind a few times tonight. She glances at her watch instinctively- five minutes to midnight. "Let's hope Gonta doesn't stop 'em from kissing then, I guess."

"I'm sure they'll find a way to get there," Kaede says, fondly. "But- um. Yeah! So, with the tradition-"

"FIVE MINUTES TO MIDNIGHT!" Someone yells- Chabashira, running drunkenly through the gardens, tiny Yumeno wobbling on her shoulders. They skid to a stop in front of Kaede and Miu, twin, bright grins, swaying back and forth like they might topple at any moment.

"We're setting off fireworks!" Yumeno says, throwing her hat in the air excitedly- and then dissolving into giggles when it flops behind her. Neither of the two girls bother to pick it up.

"Awwwww, cute," Kaede coos, clasping her hands together. "Out in the gardens?"

"Yeah!" Chabashira nods enthusiastically. "By the first fountain- so you guys can probably see 'em from here, but you should come over anyway! Ouma said he'd stop PDAing for twenty minutes if we let him light some!"

Miu snorts. As if that'll work.

Kaede insists on chatting for a while, as Miu stares down at her watch, and the minutes tick down, and more and more people flood out into the gardens, congregating in the distance and fussing with intimidatingly big boxes of fireworks. Any other night, Miu would be all over that, running over to demand she set them off- hell, she's the one who fucking made some of them- but tonight she's kind of hoping Kaede _doesn't_ want to get up close to all the potential arson.

Mercifully, magically, _somehow,_ Kaede waves the others off and doesn't go over, just smiling and turning to Miu when there's one minute to go. The air has dragged down into syrup, sticky and slow and un-fucking-bearable. 

"So, um," she says. "The tradition."

"The tradition," Miu echoes.

"THIRTY SECONDS!" Momota yells from across the gardens. 

Something flickers in Kaede's face. "Um! Um! The tra- Miu, I-"

"So do you have-"

"-what was that?"

"Oh, no it's- I was just saying-"

"No, no, you go! It's okay."

"No, it's really- you finish. You finish."

"Are you sure?"

And Miu really isn't- she isn't sure of anything at all, except for the fact her heart is thudding and it's too hot in the garden to think even though it's the middle of the night, and then someone yells _"TEN!"_ so loudly that even she winces.

And then the others all chorus in, and she can hear them across the garden, counting down with fevered excitement.

But Kaede is sitting next to her, and she isn't counting. She's just looking at Miu with a look Miu hates, the good-girl look, the one where she's not sure what to say, unable to see how fucking- strong, and good, and capable she is, and how she doesn't have to hold anything back. 

"Kaede," Miu says, and they reach _FIVE._

"Miu," she murmurs.

"I- you should-" They're at _THREE,_ and then _TWO,_ and then-

They reach for each other at the same time, and by the time people are saying _ONE,_ they're still fumbling- but they make it. They make it, because when all of Miu's best friends in the whole stupid world are screaming _"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"_ so loudly that it's audible over the three million fireworks it sounds like they've set off at once, Miu has Kaede's mouth on hers.

They're kissing. They're kissing, clumsy and drunk and kind of awkward, unsure what to do with their hands, and Miu's forgotten to breathe, and she has to pull away to gasp after a moment, Kaede still gripping at her shoulders.

Kaede stares at her, flushed, wide-eyed, something playing at her mouth like a smile or a smirk or just... something. 

Miu kisses it off her, and then pulls back like she's been burned. "I- can I-"

"Can we do it again?" Kaede finishes for her, and her whole face has turned as soft as velvet.

And they're sitting on the fountain, and they're kissing, and they're drinking, and they're talking so softly, and the evening passes slowly. Their friends congregate around the gardens- people making out against trees, running through the grass, jumping in and out of the fountains and coming up to congratulate them when they see them making out, to offer weed and more wine and tell them about the insane shit they're missing out on.  
But missing out on it's okay- it's perfect, because there's nothing fucking else Miu wants to be doing than taking a sip of some mysterious drink and then leaning over to kiss Kaede before she passes it between them. The moon is hanging heavy in the sky and the stars are like freckles, and fireworks keep popping and bursting and every time, one of them startles or jumps in surprise, and they both laugh.  
Then Kaede says- "Miu, Miu, I- I have to. I have to tell you something." She plants her hand on Miu's thigh to straighten up, and Miu's brain melts out her ears as she reaches out to steady her drunk, drunk... girlfriend? Something?

"What is it?" She slurs back, hoping she doesn't seem as drunk as Kaede does- or that, at least, she seems just as pretty as she is. Because Kaede is a mess, and she looks like she might fall asleep or maybe puke at any moment, but god, she's so pretty, and her eyes are so bright- always so bright. How does she do it? How is she so- so- 

"I love you," Kaede says. "I'm in love with you."

Miu falls over.

"Miu!" Kaede shrieks, standing up, and then stumbling over their connected ankles, and proceeding to faceplant directly on top of her. Miu barely manages to throw out an arm to cushion her fall, and Kaede squishes into it with another yelp, and then flops into Miu's stomach. She grunts in pain, and Kaede mumbles apologies as she reshuffles to lean over her. "Miu, are you okay?"

"I-" She thinks she might be having a panic attack.   
All she knows is that her chest is tight, and she can't breathe, and the whole world feels like it's shaking, and she's crying, and she's so- so happy, and terrified, and stupid, and drunk, and she's reaching up to touch Kaede's face. "Are- you aren't just...." The engenue of the modern world doesn't sniffle like a little bitch, but it's a close thing, and she's fucking dying here. "This isn't a... joke?"

Miu's... pretty damn perfect. Which means a lot of people are intimidated by her. Which means she didn't... really have people who cared about her. That much. Before this stupid group of friends, before Bakamatsu offering out her hand, and...

She just. This isn't something Miu ever thought she'd hear. Not for her. People don't fall in love with Iruma Miu.

Kaede cups her face in her hands and leans down to press their noses together, her gaze intense. "I love you so fucking much," she says, and Miu doesn't even have time to process the curse, because Kaede is kissing her, and then pulling away far too soon. "I love you. It's- Shuichi's fault he was- he was talking so stupidly, but I just." She squeezes her eyes shut. "I was watching you dance, and it's new year, and I want... Miu, I want to be with you. Forever. Forever and always. No matter what."

"K.." Miu doesn't get to finish it, because her words choke a little, and she has to drop her head back in the grass and let the world spin for a while. She can feel Kaede stroking her hair, soothing, gentle, the smell of rose.

"It's okay," Kaede says, softly, and for some reason that's what makes Miu's stomach clench. "You don't have to say it back."

"Fuck that," she says, and she forces her eyes open even if looking at Kaede almost hurts, the moonlight shining in her hair almost silver. "Fuck, Kaede, you- you stupid idiot, I l-love you-"

Kaede is crying on her face and Miu is wrapping her arms around her, and they're still sprawled over the grass, foreheads pressed together, weeping softly, and Miu doesn't think she's ever been this happy before. 

"Fuck it," she repeats, Kaede laughing a little through the tears. "Let's get fuckin' married. Let's stay together forever. Let's never move out."

"Married," Kaede gasps, and another wave of tears come flooding out- this is what it's like dating an artist, Miu guesses, but... she's crying, too. "Oh, Miu! I've always wanted to get married!"

Miu laughs again, wild and a little unhinged, and maybe a bit scared, because, fuck- a tiny, itty-bitty, princess-loving part of her that still exists somewhere, that Kaede makes want to exist... she wants it, too. Even if she's spent most of her teenage years dulling herself to the concept. "I bet Angie can officiate or something. She's probably got some weird religious rite thing." Her heart pounds. "Kaede, let's get married _tonight."_

"Wwait wait, okay, okay- we need rings," Kaede replies, pushing herself off Miu's chest.

"I'll fucking make them," Miu promises. She pauses for a moment, finding a way to thread her words together. "I'll make you anything you want."

Kaede's face shifts like clockwork clicking into gears. _"Miu,"_ she says, and her voice is so musical, so beautiful. Miu reaches up to run her fingers through her hair, and Kaede's fingers cup her jaw in turn- pianist's fingers, little callouses pressing into Miu's skin, sinking through the layers of foundation to fit themselves somewhere inside her pulse.

And they're kissing, and Kaede's hair is falling over her face, and she tastes like vodka and strawberries, and Miu is pulling at her hair and winding an arm around her neck, and then they're rolling over the grass and making out like they're in the fucking Lion King. 

When they part, Kaede inhales in a puff, like she'd forgotten to breathe the whole time, and Miu has no choice but to kiss her again.

"YEAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!" Someone yells from the distance- Kaede lifts her head from Miu's so sharply that her fingers snag a little, and they both wince.  
Miu glances over to see Momota, wolf-whistling with his arm around Kiibo, who is so flushed he looks like he's got a fever, but is applauding wildly despite looking half asleep. 

"GET IT, KAEDE!" Momota roars again.

"I'M GETTING MARRIED!" She yells back, propping herself up on Miu, and Miu really must be in love because she barely winces when Kaede plants her palm directly on top of her tit and uses that to push herself up.

"OHMYGOD WHEN?" Momota shouts.

"TONIGHT!" Miu informs him.

"OH MY GOD!" That's Kiibo.

"OH MY GOD!" That's Kaede, directly into Miu's ear. "Come on, come on, we've gotta get rings!!!!"

"Okay, okay." Miu rolls Kaede off her as carefully as she can, and then proceeds to immediately fall on top of her anyway. "Ugh."

Momota is yelling something about someone finding Angie, and Kiibo is hurrying over to help them up, and Shirogane is taking Miu's arm and telling her she'll make her a veil, and it's new years, and the fireworks are still bursting above their heads, and whenever she looks over she sees Kaede, utterly golden and ripe as a peach. 

"Come on," Shirogane says, squeezing her arm and beaming at her. "You can't see the bride before the wedding, right?"

"Wait- wait, I gotta make rings," Miu slurs, shoving her hair back from her face. Kaede stares at her adoringly for a moment, biting her lip, and then throws her arms around her. Miu whimpers a little and hides her face in the pianist's hair, holding her back on nothing but instinct. "Does anyone have any metal I can melt?" She asks, mumbling it right into Kaede's scalp and squeezing her a little closer. Her heart feels so full that it almost hurts, resting heavy in her chest- a gear chain pulled a little too taut, but it balances the mechanics out perfectly. It feels right to hurt like this, so happy she can't think, can't process anything but the feeling of Kaede's mouth on her cheek, strawberry lipgloss smearing the corner of her mouth.

"REFORGE MY STEPMOTHER'S JEWELERY!" Amami yells across the garden, raising his glass in a cheer. 

\--

[ **CC:** a picture of Kaede and Miu, blurry, in the gardens by the goldfish pond. Both are wearing rings on their fingers (shiny and studded with an astonishing amount of jewels), hands linked, beaming at the camera. They are clearly incredibly drunk. They are also clearly very, very happy. In the background, Hoshi can be seen drowning in a fountain.]  
Posted by: **grrgsgrlgns** with the caption: wwife _#wife_  
**41 likes.**  
**robophobia commented:** ims o happy for you :,D take care of her kaede

[ **CC:** Another picture of the happy couple- this time posing for the photo, arms around each other’s waists. Haphazard tissues slip off their heads. There is a curious stain on Kaede’s shoulder.]  
Posted by: **cosgays** with the caption: OMGGGGG THEY RGETTING MAAAAAAARRIED _#otp #irumatsusupremacy #multishipper #theyrejustcuteicanthelpit_  
**9k likes.**  
**drfan1 commented:** is gay marriage legal in japan yet?  
**> cosgays replied:** whaat

[ **CC:** a selfie of Angie, with Tenko and Himiko hanging off either shoulder. Tenko looks like she’s crying. Himiko is asleep.]  
Posted by: **bi-blecamp** with the caption: bless this union _#ordained #blessed #lovewins_  
**126 likes.**

  
[ **CC:** a picture of Shuichi, shirt slipping off his shoulder, smoking something of dubious origin out on a balcony. A lipstick stain, either black or dark purple, is visible on his jaw. It would be a very artsy photo if the general quality wasn’t incredibly poor and the poster hadn’t turned the saturation up as far as it could go and then added other filters.]  
Posted by: **catboyclown** with the caption: h _#_  
**10 likes.**  
**clubs commented:** get ittttttttt boss  
**ace commented:** not what i meant by fuck cops but we all saw this coming  
**> rejectedtruth replied:** IMNOT A COP

[ **CC:** a selfie of the top corner of Rantaro’s head, the camera aimed at the scene behind him- Gonta dragging a struggling Shuichi and Kokichi apart. Both are fully clothed but somewhat bedraggled.]  
Posted by: **survivordestinyschild** with the caption: OOOH SOMEONE GOT CAUGHT TRYIN TO FUCK DURING THE WEDDIGN _#theressomewhoresinthishouse #theressomewhoresinthisweddingvenue #theressomehorses_  
**481 likes.**  
**catboyclown commented:** ffYCK YOU YOURE JUST JELAOUS  
**rejectedtruth commented:** WE WERE JUST KISSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**> cosgays replied:** sounds sus throw him out the spacesihp  
**grrgsgrlgns commented:** BITHCES HHURRY TF UP THE CEREMONY IS SSTARTING  
**bach-annal commented:** shu if u miss my wedding bc you were kissing im gonna be so sad ;w;

\--

**Open chat: HAPPY NEW YEAR EX-HARMONY DORM**

**Madokamagica:** WHIOS E STILL SOBER BC IM NOT

 **Madokamagica:** AND IM LOST I DONT WANSA MISS GTHE WDEDDING

 **Tojo:** I’’,m coming

 **cosgays:** TOJO IS DRUNK???/

 **survivor by destiny’s child:** help kichis; so fcuked i cant ge thim to shut up

 **ready for the robot uprising:** Ouma?

 **catboyclown:** fob

 **ready for the robot uprising:** ok

\--

[ **CC:** A very shaky video of Kaede and Miu exchanging vows, their hands linked. To Kaede’s left stand Kaito, Rantaro, and Shuichi, who is almost inconsolably sobbing on Kaito’s shoulder. On Miu’s right, Kiibo, Gonta, and Kokichi, with Maki’s hand over his mouth to keep him quiet. Angie stands behind the duo and occasionally cuts in with a few vague lines of prayer. The vows themselves are mostly just “oh my god I love you” on repeat. The video ends after Angie pronounces them wife and wife and they begin to make out before she can finish her sentence.]  
Posted by: **cosgays,** with no caption except a string of love related emojis.  
**12k likes**  
**monstar commented:** followed for the cosplay, stayed for the absolutely batshit updates on your friend group. happy 4 them tho  
**deadroses commented:** drunk!cosgays is my favorite cosgays  
**crowjoke commented:** is the crying dude ok he looks like he’s having a breakdown  
**> cosgays replied:** hes ok he was just emotional about his bff getting married. hes happy crying hes just like that  
> **mooncake replied:** is he ok in general  
**> rejectedtruth replied:** no  
**> catboyclown replied:** its ok i made out with him later  
**> rejectedtruth replied:** :D

\--

Shuichi puts down his phone. He puts his head in his hands for a little while.

Kaede slides a glass of orange juice across the table and Kokichi rubs his shoulders comfortingly. 

“I mean,” Miu says, scrubbing dried-up eyeliner off her face. “It could be worse?”

“Twenty thousand of Shirogane-san’s followers saw everything she linked here,” Shuichi says, unblinking. “I don’t know how it could be worse.”

A sharp little chin hooks itself over his shoulder. Kokichi turns his head to press an obnoxiously loud kiss to his cheek, arms slung around his waist. 

Shuichi smiles despite himself, reaching up to pet his boyfriend’s hair, looking across the table as Miu and Kaede fight for the juice only to bump hands, and blushing, turn away as they link their still-ringed fingers. 

He sighs, turning slightly so Kokichi can clamber over the side of the chair and into his lap. 

The idiot, infuriating clown just grins up at him like he’s proved a point. “You’re saying that like you could think of a better way to come out to your pare-”

Shuichi kisses him to shut him up. He can do that, now.

“Happy new year!” Rantaro calls from somewhere else in the kitchen, and Shuichi isn’t looking, but he can feel Kokichi’s mouth curl into a smile as Miu and Kaede chorus well wishes back at him.

Something shatters- there's a yelp, and the sound of a smoke alarm beeping, and he can hear Kaede stumble to her feet and chase after someone, Miu right behind her.   
But they've probably got it covered, so he just pulls Kokichi closer and opens his mouth.

**Author's Note:**

> its worth noting that kaede's advice to shuichi was "go kabedon him."  
> and shuichi said "absolutely not"  
> and she said "i'll give you 20 dollars"  
> and he said "ok"  
> and then she said "and also pretend you're interviewing a criminal and you can't show any sign of weakness but also it's your homoerotic rival"  
> and this worked ONLY because shuichi managed to throw kokichi off his rhythm enough to gain some confidence. also because it is a familiar and comforting dynamic for them. so maybe kaede is right about SOME THINGS. she still has no rights though.
> 
> saiouma and irumatsu rlly are mlm/wlw disaster communicators. watch these two gay girls get married night 1 of dating and watch these two gay guys completely fail to discuss any actual feelings despite being in love with each other. if this felt rushed <3 no it wasnt. its just because the characters are gay and drunk and NOT because i panicked about being late and had to throw something out
> 
> HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU'RE LIVING SOMEWHERE WITH AN ACTIVE PANDEMIC PLEASE DON'T GO OUT TO PARTY BUT PLEASE DO CALL YOUR FRIENDS! STREAM GOOD MUSIC! DRINK A LITTLE IF YOU'RE OF AGE BUT DON'T OVERINDULGE. please god im begging you think of the hangover mine lasted like 2 days  
> and remember: liquor before weed: never sicker. weed before liquor: thats some speed. not that i would know anything about any kind of illegal intoxicants.
> 
> OBLIGATORY ADVERTISING:  
> come chat on tumblr with me (unseeliekey) come join an rp server with me (dm unseeliekey for deets)  
> come apply to a zine im helping moderate!!!! WOW HOW COOL A ZINE SO EXCITING drv3writingzine on all social medias is a zine focused on fanfiction- although we will have some art and merch too! applications for writers and artists are currently open and applications for mods open soon.  
> i also have a kofi but i haven't updated in three months and this is what im coming out with now that i have so. send me money when i post kattar tomorrow (its happening tomorrow or i. idk i ban myself from eating anymore chocolate EVER.) (or dont!!)


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